Oh the inanity!

Dear God,

I’d like some clarification – is it just me you abhor, or is it all lawyers in general?  I mean – we just finished between 3 – 5 years of schooling, months of feverish studying, and the most nerve-wracking 3-day exam any foul torturer has ever devised for their own cruel amusement (and I speak from a fair amount of experience) and so you thought it’d be a great idea for the first thing to have us do when we FINALLY become actual attorneys was require hours on end of continuing classes?  Not for lawyers long out of school who may need to brush up on the law, no – new lawyer training seminars.  Maybe it’s just me, but if these are the new lawyer training seminars, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK did I just spend all of that time and money doing the last 3 years?!

And it’s not even new material!  It’s the same damn things we JUST had drilled into our heads and where then tested on.  And we do it – we do it with a smile on our face, we bend over and grab our ankles and say “please, sir, may I have some more?”  And for those of you that don’t know, it is NOT as if the majority of lawyers are raking in gobs of money and this is just some penance they pay for a lucrative career.  I’m a public defender – far more common than the occasional high-end corporate attorney you may run into.  I defend indigent clients below the poverty level by court appointment, and in turn am paid by the State of Ohio.  The kicker?  If I were ever to make an idiotic mistake and pick up some minor charge or a DUI – like, hypothetically, I don’t know, assaulting the worthless piece of garbage that my fiance cheated with and left when they were caught – I would probably qualify for the appointment of one of my coworkers as counsel based on income!  So then, the State says, “hey, make sure you cough some of that back up to us for CLEs and license fees.”  This is the kind of shit we put up with on a daily basis – and if I sound like I hate it, that’s the real kicker – I LOVE MY JOB!  This is how fucked up we are – we choose to do this and most of us wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, now you know, dear reader, why it is that, when someone tells one of those godawful, unoriginal, done-to-death lawyer jokes, the lawyer in the group just gives a kind of blank stare and self-deprecating chuckle – because if he or she didn’t, they’d be doing what the last paragraph has me thinking about right now:


Until next time, remember – Donald Trump is a lying, psychotic, infantile piece of waste product who doesn’t even deserve the effort it just took me to type that, much less anyone’s vote for president.  And if you support him, you are either 1. every bit as bad, 2. a complete idiot, or 3. both.  That’s a PSA from someone that knows better than you – which, sadly, isn’t saying a whole lot.  God, my head hurts.

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