I made it, little ones! I actually managed social interaction with a human being in a non-employment-related outing and didn’t make a total and complete clusterfuck of the situation. Side note: my autocorrect now actually changes clusterfuck to its proper spelling when I make a typo – I’ve turned Siri into a foul-mouthed snarker too. Anyway, we had a very nice time, and she seems to want to see me again – either because the night went well, or because she is some kind of masochist, to which I suppose the only sane reaction is:
Thanks for the kind words and thoughts – and I shall reward you accordingly! Yes, it’s time once again for everyone’s (read: my best friend’s) favorite segment – #FrozenFoodFridays! Editor’s note: I took my Ambien right before remembering I needed to do this before midnight, so if at some point it trails off or becomes even more nonsensical than usual, you know why.
This week, we have a personal favorite – Totino’s Pizza Rolls. Now, I’m not going to waste anyone’s time trying to explain whether or not these are delicious – either you already know this, or you aren’t old enough to be reading this blog, or you’re probably a Trump voter and your opinions are bad and you should feel bad.
What I can tell you is that you can actually survive for far longer than you probably thought or would reasonably want to with these as your primary, even sole, source of nutrients. I don’t know what delicious voodoo enables this, but I can verify its accuracy, sadly. Protip: when preparing, cover the baking sheet with aluminum foil. That way, when they inevitably start oozing the filling everywhere because the cook time chart is a goddamn lying motherfucker, you can just wait for it to cool and then throw out the foil, rather than spend 30 minutes cursing and scraping the tray clean. Also, you know your pizza rolls are properly cooked when the first 3-5 rolls burn with the intensity of a thousand suns in your mouth. If they are any cooler, they are undercooked.
That’s all for now, little ones. See you next time, and remember – many Trump voters say that he’s a good idea because the presidency needs to be run like a business. Putting aside the fact that this sentiment is completely fucking wrong and idiotic, there is also the small detail that Trump has driven a not-insignificant number of his businesses directly into the ground and bankruptcy. He once used thousands of dollars from his charitable foundation to commission a ten-foot-tall painting of himself. If that’s the businessman you think has what it takes to run the country the right way, there’s a reason your living in a tin-foil trailer held together by chicken wire and duct tape, and it’s not because the man is keeping you down. It’s because you’re a fucking moron. – EWE