WWE Clash of Champions Live Drunkcast!

UPDATE 9/26/16, 10:00 AM EST

So upon further review this morning, it appears Roman Reigns in fact defeated Rusev to become the new US Champ.  Which, due to the horrendous booking and mismanagement of Reigns’ character, nobody gives a damn about.  It’s actually a real shame because Reigns has the right look and is a great athlete, but he’s going to face an uphill battle getting over with the fans due to the office trying to force him to the top before the fans wanted it.

As for the main event, it was likely the match of the night, but that was to be expected of two workers as talented as Owens and Rollins. They told a good story in the ring, and the finish was conclusive enough to move both guys on to other feuds if desired, or continue this one.

The disappointment of the night for me was the booking of the Zayn vs Jericho match.  The writing team of Raw is seemingly doing everything in their power to destroy the careers of anyone that comes up from NXT with momentum.  There is absolutely no reason to book the 50 year old part time rock star to go over the younger star who is there for the long haul.

Finally, apologies for the less than stellar quality of the live blog – I did truly forget the event was tonight and was more than a little tipsy.  I shall endeavor to not have that happens quite so often.  Also, I may be changing up the format for WWE shows to being more of my general impressions and thoughts rather than a live blog, as with the new schedule of a PPV every couple of weeks, my schedule just may not allow for it.  Also, given the current creative of the product, I’m just not that drawn in to put in the effort to live blog them all.  Honestly, I’m writing better shit on my couch for free than all of them are.

Until next time my friends! – EWE

UPDATE 11:00 PM EST

Next up, we get a video package highlighting Reigns and Rusev for the US Title.  Seriously, this feud is hilariously awful.  Nobody likes or cares about either man, or Lana, or the title, or any of it.  Except Vince and creative.  They obviously care enough to just keep shoving it down everyone’s throat.

Both men are introduced, and as expected, nobody really likes either guy.  The match is a typical slugfest, with the crowd just not caring either way.

Quite frankly, the match is so boring that I fell asleep, and when I woke up, Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins were being introduced.  See-saw match between the two in the main event for the Universal Title, which ends clean with Owens retaining using the pop-up powerbomb following a ref bump.  Show ends with Rollins recovering in the ring.

UPDATE 10:00 PM EST

I’m back from break, as is the show apparently, as I haven’t really missed anything (GODDAMMIT) but on the bright side is literally the bright spot of the show – IT’S BAYLEY!  Honestly, she is just the most charismatic female performer I’ve ever, ever seen in this business.  She just makes people smile.  She is followed out by Sasha Banks, and finally, the Women’s Champ, Charlotte, with Dana Brook.

Some technical issues may result in a lack of images going forward – I sincerely apologize, but it’s just been that kind of night folks.  What can I say?  It’s a triple threat – all three women make a good showing, but it’s a train wreck of moves and spots and interference from Dana, with the highlight coming when Charlotte hits a beautiful teardrop moonsault onto both of her opponents at once.  Sasha hits the Bank Statement on both Charlotte and Bayley but it is broken up.  Bayley is thrown into Sasha and then kicked in the face for the pin and Charlotte retains.  Not bad, but I wish they would stop with these women’s triple threats.

Now we get a recap of the pre-show match from earlier.  Yawn.

UPDATE 9:30 PM EST

We get a promo for No Mercy, then go backstage to set up the Women’s Title triple threat.

Next up is Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho.  Folks, I’m not going into detail here, because either Sami should win in a dominating performance, or I don’t want to talk about how horrific the booking is to have Jericho go over on Sami.

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Sami wins or we (should) riot.
Match is as good as you’d expect from the talented Sami and the aging Jericho.  Sami dominates to start, until Jericho takes control, and then both men begin to trade shots back and forth.  Eventually, Jericho hits a Codebreaker and buries yet another young talent.  I fucking hate this show, and I was already in a bad mood, and now I’m taking a break before I get really, really nasty.

UPDATE 9:00 PM EST

Typical cruiserweight, back and forth match.  You know, watching this reminds of of the good old cruiserweight days of WCW, which in turn reminds me that I’ve recently been watching the last couple years of WCW Nitro which is even more godawful than I actually remember from the time.  Anyway, botched neckbreaker spot by Perkins leads to a Sliced Bread attempt which is countered into a wrecking ball dropkick and a missed 450 splash into an attempted Captain’s Hook countered into the Kneebar.  Tap by Kendrick and Perkins retains in a good, solid match.

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STILL your babyface champ!
Not surprisingly, Kendrick sneak attacks Perkins after the match to further the feud.

Now we get a recap of the seemingly endless, and pointless, best of seven series between Sheamus and Cesaro, now tied at 3 all and set to end tonight.  Both men are out, and typical physical, back and forth contest that we’ve seen in six previous matches.  Cesaro with a 619 ala Rey Mysterio, albeit not NEARLY as pretty or fast.  You know, it’s a shame that these two amazing workers are relegated to a meaningless feud that will likely not advance either man’s career.  Fucking useless creative team.

The story here is that Cesaro is not as effective with a lot of his offense due to the shoulder and back injuries he is nursing.  He does a good job of selling it.  Couple of ugly exchanges but then Cesaro executes a tope to the outside and lands full speed right on top of his head.  How he didn’t break his neck I have no fucking clue.

Back in the ring and both men kick out of each other’s finish, because that’s the only goddamn storytelling trick the creative team has for any match anymore.  Both men continue to beat the shit out of each other until the referee calls for a no contest.  Because at the end of a Best of Seven series, what you want is no clear cut winner.  I fucking quit.  A shitfaced chimp could book better than this.  Every single person involved in this train wreck, except for the poor two wrestlers, should be fucking  fired.

UPDATE 8:30 PM EST

Just in case you were unsure, I did in fact finish watching the pre-show, and the most interesting thing I can relate is that I did not fall down my steps while returning from a restroom break.  Seriously, if you watched any Raw in the past month, you know everything they are talking about.

And we are live the Clash of Champions!  And…just in case you missed the entire one-hour fucking pre-show, we begin with a video recap of why we are here tonight.  You know, if they cut down on all this shit, PPVs wouldn’t be four fucking hours long anymore.  But what do I know, right?

We begin with New Day making their entrance, tossing cereal into the crowd and bastardizing the beautiful sound of the trombone to the approval of the crowd.  Goddamn Philistines.  Say what I will though, these guys never fail to cut an entertaining promo, and they do so here.  Next out is Gallows and Anderson the (Don’t Call Them Bullet) Club.  These guys might not be as funny as New Day, but goddamn do they wrestle well as a team.

Back and forth action with the Club dominating most of the match, until Xavier interferes and nails Anderson with Francesca and Kofi and Big E hit the Midnight Hour for the pin to retain the titles.

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This was most of the offense for New Day.
Now we throw it to a commercial for the network that we are already paying to subscribe to because, uh, reasons, I guess.

Next up we have the Cruiserweight title match, preceded by a video package introducing the Cruiserweight division.  Out first is Brian Kendrick, followed by the “inaugural” WWE Cruiserweight Champion, TJ Perkins, who has 8-bit videogame theme music and is thus my favorite in this match for no other reason.

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Yes, TJ Perkins gimmick is that he’s essentially a Street Fighter character.
UPDATE 8:00 PM EST

The preshow match is apparently Nia Jax vs. Alicia Fox, which despite watching Raw each week, I somehow didn’t know.  And even if I had, wouldn’t care.  Look, there is only one possible fucking outcome – they are building Nia Jax to be the next dominant monster in the women’s division.  If Fox gets in more than five offensive moves, whoever booked the match should be fired.

So, shockingly, Jax throws Fox around the ring like a rag doll, while the commentary team manages to make me even more bored than I was during the intros.

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Here is a summation of the entire fucking match.
The total offensive move count for Fox is four, so whoever booked is safe to keep their job another day.  Jax, obviously, goes over in a squash.  Now we cut back to the “all-star” panel, and some more packages highlighting the feuds heading into tonight.  Yawn.

UPDATE 7:40 PM EST

Sami Zayn is in the social media lounge answering screened, scripted questions from fans on Twitter, which is so incredibly stupid and pointless that I almost wish they would just throw it back to the panel.  I mean, “How does it make you feel to hear the fans sing your theme song?”  WHO THE FUCK CARES?  I’m getting another drink

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I literally give zero fucks what these people have to say.
7:25 PM EST

Soooo…here is the deal.  I forgot. I forgot that Clash was even happening tonight, and hadn’t planned on liveblogging it.  Honestly, I had hoped to have better things to do.  But, as luck would have it, I don’t.  However, there is a catch – up until about five minutes ago, I was doing housework and drinking heavily, and the only thing that’s changed is that I’m not doing housework now.  See, once I realized this was happening, I had a choice: either make some coffee and try to sober up quick, or say FUCK IT, and just keep right on drinking and see where things go.  Guess which one won?

We open at 7:15 PM (because I just turned it on) and Renee, Booker, King, and Lita are talking about SHIT NOBODY CARES ABOUT.  Seriously, if you actually haven’t been watching Raw to know why the fuck these matches are happening, what are the odds that you are actually tuned in to the show right now?

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