Greets once again, fragile carbon-based lifeforms! Once again, I come to you in what could be described for me as a good mood – I don’t even feel like immolating a village at the moment! You may credit the young lady who has decided that multiple occasions spending time with me is something she actually enjoys! I don’t quite understand it – there may be some serious sanity questions in play here – but I like it, and I’m not going to argue with it.
Another thing to make me, and c’mon, all of you happy is that it is once again…#FrozenFoodFridays! This week, we have quite the treat – at least if you, like me, are someone who is more than happy to go into Olive Garden and eat breadsticks until I feel very real concern that I might die. I mean, warm, doughy, garlicky deliciousness can never be overstated. And one way to enjoy it at home and away from throngs of mouthbreathing humanoids is with New York Garlic Breadsticks!
I mean, there isn’t much to say about preparing these – heat your oven and bake them. If you fuck these up, you’ve got much larger issues you need to deal with than frozen foods. But I can offer some tips – first, never buy just one box. There are only six in there and that’s just enough for you to finish and think “WHERE THE HELL ARE THE REST?!” Second, as good as these are on their own, get yourself a small jar of sauce (I’m a fan of Mid’s meat sauce or spicy marinaras, or peppery alfredo) and use these to soak up the sauce. There may or may not be a heaven, but if there is, that’s what the food there tastes like, people.
Hope you enjoyed your tasty treat tonight, kids – but remember, if you know someone who thinks Donald Trump should be president, a far better use for these frozen breadsticks is to leave them frozen solid and use them to beat the living hell out of that person. They’ll likely still be a complete moron, but at least now they’ll be unconscious and smell like garlic butter, both of which will be improvements! Until next time, friends! – EWE