Soooo…yeah, it’s Saturday. I’ve got nothing – it was a really stressful last couple of days at the office, as well as personally, and that led to no Friday post. For that I am sorry – but, due to Evil Wizard’s Law of Temporal Convenience, it has to be Friday somewhere, in some dimension or plane of existence…therefore, welcome to another #FrozenFoodFridays!
And since I kind of blew the timing on this, it’s a kind of bonus – two related treats for the price of one! Because tonight we have not one, but two of my personal favorite snacks and sometimes, meals – first, SuperPretzel Soft Pretzel Bites!
I love hot pretzels – but lets face it, sometimes they just aren’t the most convenient things in the world. I mean, maybe I don’t want to smother it in mustard or cheese – maybe I want to dip it. But then I’ve got to pull the damn thing apart…the whole thing becomes a huge fucking hassle. Enter the soft pretzel bite – proof that you humans are, occasionally, capable of higher-level thinking.
These are another relatively low-challenge snack to prepare – just place the frozen bites on a plate, moisten with water, salt to taste, and microwave. But I can offer a few helpful tips. First, I find that the optimal level of moisture is achieved by getting your hand wet and then using the wet hand to dampen the pretzel bites, rather than running the bites themselves under water. Second, while there is a small pouch of salt in the box with the bites, using ground sea salt or table salt results in a better distribution across the bites. Finally, do yourself a favor and prepare multiple dipping sauces for your pile of pretzel goodness. Personally, I like to have some yellow mustard, some salsa con queso, some peppery marinara sauce, and some ranch dressing. In fact, just describing this is making me fucking hungry now.
But wait! Maybe you see this and say “Well, I’d like to have delicious warm pretzels for dinner, but I haven’t had any protein all day!” To you I say – I’m a fucking wizard, did you NOT think I’d have you covered too?
Yes, they crammed their plump, chubby wieners into the warm, soft insides of the pretzels. Actually…that sounds even worse than I thought it would when I was writing it. I’d apologize, if I weren’t, you know, evil. Anyway – the person that decided to combine beef hot dogs with soft pretzels is a certifiable genius and deserves a medal. The preparation is basically the same, but now you’ve got the additional flavor of the dogs to go with the pretzel, and when you factor in the wide variety of condiments that can be used as a dip – well, your palate won’t know what hit it. Kind of like those villagers I buried under an avalanche last week. Ah, good times!
So that’s it for this week’s #FrozenFoodFridays, kids! Apologies again for the tardiness. Until next we meet, remember – you humans, no matter how unlikable you may be, you will sometimes encounter another that doesn’t seem to mind you, and may even enjoy your company for some odd reason. Don’t take those people for granted. Hang on to them. You never know when they might not be there, and you’ll wish they were. – EWE