Hi there, kids! How are we all tonight, hmm? Me, I’m COLD AS FUCK. Seriously, Ohio – the standing temperature is like 4 right now, and I believe the wind chill is roughly negative why-the-fuck-do-I-live-here. I bought another ready-to-eat coconut cream pie earlier (goddamn fundraising coworkers’ kids!) and left it in the backseat of my car for the rest of the work day and I’m going to have to thaw the damn thing before I can eat it now.
So, while I wait for that, I suppose we can get down to some #FrozenFoodFriday main course business, shall we? Now, if you’re into no carbs, vegetarian eating…you’re just gonna want to leave now. Because I want to put myself into a nice starch coma with some Spicy Rigatoni and Frozen Meatballs. To start out with, you’re going to need some frozen Italian style meatballs, so head to the grocery store and look for something like this.
Now, while you’re at the store, you also need some sauce, and since I said “spicy” earlier, you’re going to want some arrabbiata sauce. There are a few different brands I like, including this one.
To round out your shopping trip, grab yourself a box of rigatoni – the full size ones, not the little mini-rigatoni. Grow up and eat an adult sized noodle, jackass. I’m not going to pick a specific brand here – I tend to just buy the cheapest one there is because I’m on a government salary and am lucky I can buy food at all. And of course, if you’d like to feel really fancy – maybe you’re trying to impress a dinner date (which I would know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about) – or maybe you’re just going to carb yourself into oblivion. Either way, snag some of these, too.
Next step – go pay for everything, unless you’d like to meet me by having me be appointed to defend you on a really stupid theft charge. You won’t get my autograph, and I’ll probably call you some variation of an idiot at least three or four times. So go check out. Then, get the fuck home because it’s freezing outside – unless you live in a warm place, in which case, I hate you, asshole. The rest of us are freezing our asses off.
Now, once you’re home with your purchased and/or stolen groceries, combine the frozen meatballs and sauce in a large saucepan and bring it to a boil, stirring along the way. Cover it and reduce your heat, then simmer about 20-25 minutes, stirring occasionally. While that’s going on, bring, uh, a bunch of water to a boil and dump in your rigatoni. Boil for about 12 minutes, stirring now and then, and then drain. Once everything is done, put it all into a bowl and wonder why all those people on diets that don’t allow this food hate themselves so goddamn much.
And that’s another #FrozenFoodFridays in the books! I know I’ve been a bit slack lately with some of my postings on other subjects – work has been picking up (which is a good thing) and with it getting dark out by about 5:00 now (less of a good thing) I seem to run out of energy quickly. But I shall endeavor to pick up the pace, so forgive this slight slowdown. Or don’t, you know, if you weren’t particularly fond of your town/village/neighborhood.
Bet you’re not cold now, are you? You’re welcome. – EWE