Salutations once again, my merry minions! I’m once again here to entertain and inspire you – and this time, I’m not on the verge of literally falling to pieces! Yes, it seems that my spine has thought it over and decided it isn’t yet time for it to completely destroy itself, and so I find myself able to, well, move without being in the mind-searing levels of pain that I was a week ago. Not that it is completely fixed, mind you – but the difference is substantial and certainly tolerable to live with at this point.
And to celebrate my newfound good health…let’s completely fuck it all to hell with some tasty #FrozenFoodFridays fried food!
See, if you’re anything like me (Editor’s Note: SEEK IMMEDIATE HELP!) – cute, very cute – ahem, you’ll probably have fond memories of the Dairy Queen Chicken Strip Basket. But hey – why get it from Dairy Queen? You have to do so many aggravating things to do that – put on pants, leave your lair, interact with humans while managing not to kill them – it’s a complete hassle. So instead, why not make your own! Minus the fries – DQ’s fries really kind of suck.
No real trick to preparing this – just follow the instructions on the packaging for each item! One tip though – when something offers either conventional oven or microwave preparation, the better bet is almost ALWAYS the conventional oven. Microwave may be quicker, but in my experience the wait for the oven is well worth it. Have some patience, you damn instant-gratification kids!
And now, kiddos, it’s been a little while, but as you may remember, my occupation allows me a passing knowledge of the law. In fact, I am privileged enough to be able to practice law, when I’m not busy convincing myself not to destroy your entire miserable species. And so I feel somewhat compelled to clear up some misconceptions that are currently in the public sphere. Our current president (Editor’s Note: Fun fact – every time EWE is forced to describe Trump as president, an angel has its wings violently ripped from its back and force-fed to it until it chokes to death) and his pitiful band of cronies seem to be of the opinion that they may limit the freedom of speech of government employees, up to and including FIRING THEM for speaking out against the administration. This is wrong.
Now, I know that President Tiny Hands Bitch knows what the Constitution is, as well as the Amendments – after all, he LOVES talking about the 2nd Amendment. But apparently his knowledge is…selective, because as any goddamn preschooler can tell you, in order to get to “2” you must first get to “1” – in this case, the 1st Amendment. That one guarantees freedom of speech to American citizens without interference by the federal government. Now, most certainly, as an EMPLOYER, the government can instruct EMPLOYEES in what they may and may not say ON BEHALF OF THE GOVERNMENT. So for example, the switchboard operators at the White House can be instructed that they should refrain from telling callers that it is the official position of the White House that the president is an insufferable, mentally ill shithead who belongs locked in a padded room rather than in office – but they CANNOT restrict or fire said switchboard operators from making such statements in their individual, private citizen capacity. Making such statements without reprisal from the government IS THE EXACT THING THAT THE ENTIRE AMENDMENT WAS PREDICATED ON. So, for any that might tell you “well, they can force them to say what they want because they work for the government” now you can calmly and confidently tell that person to go fuck him or her self because they have no goddamn idea what they are talking about. You’re welcome! – EWE