A Fall Caffeine Fix and Some Other Bits

Greets, humans!  It’s been a bit of a whirlwind this past week or so, so let’s get right to it, shall we?

First thing’s first, good ol’ (and by that I mean REALLY FUCKING OLD) EWE had himself a birthday last week.  Yeah, don’t worry – it kinda sucked.  It was a horrifically awful work day, and most of the small group of people I’d have most like to have celebrated with actually DIDN’T REMEMBER IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.  On the plus side though, it did manage to reaffirm my long held, but sometimes shaken belief in the human species.  Even when I meet folks like Malevolent Moogle or all of you fine blogging folk out there, and begin to think that your species has some potential, water always finds its level, and the balance of humanity always manages to sink well below any bar that might be set for it, no matter how low.  But hey – I’m still alive, so there’s always time!

EWE and Editor Always Time

As a present for not being dead yet, the universe decided to present me with the question “how the hell aren’t you dead yet?”  You see, hypertension runs in my veins (HA! I slay me) having reared it’s ugly head in a number of my ancestors.  Diet, exercise, protection spells, ritual blood sacrifices – nothing seems to help.  So after a year on a blood pressure med, my cardiologist called me in for a checkup.  After first asking me such inane questions as “any stresses in your personal life?” and having me scowl silently at him for several moments before awkwardly moving on, he determined that my blood pressure…was still too high.  So he prescribed a second med to go with the first, and said to call in with my blood pressure numbers after one month.  And so I did – I reported that after one month of taking his second med as directed, my blood pressure had managed to actually go up further.  I’m awaiting word on what the hell I am supposed to do now.  And while I wait, I was sitting at work when I received the following phone call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Mom!  Are you busy?”

“No, it’s ok – is everything alright?”

“Now, I don’t want you to panic or anything – ” (Editor’s Note: This is never a good lead.) ” – but I was just at my doctor, and they are saying I recently had a heart attack.”

“What?!  When?!”

“They aren’t sure, probably within the last couple of weeks – but don’t worry!  I’m fine, I’m even driving to physical therapy!”

“…YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK, AND NOW YOU’RE DRIVING BY YOURSELF, AND THAT’S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?!?!”

First off, Evil Mom is fine.  She’s home, and she’s being closely watched.  But everything about that conversation is a sample of why when the cardiologist asks “any personal stress?” I just stare at him in abject fury.

But all is not doom and gloom!  Yes, it is my favorite season of the year – fall!  Autumn!  92 fucking degrees and humid!  Wait, that’s not right…anyway, in celebration of the season, let me share with you my favorite fall morning fix, and save you a trip to Starbucks every day.  Here is EWE’s Fall Coffee!

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So here is what you will need: a standard drip coffeemaker, a coffee bean grinder, your favorite cinnamon coffee beans, nutmeg, pumpkin spice, ginger, ground clove, vanilla extract, and Coffee-Mate Pumpkin Spice Creamer.  Grind the beans based upon how much coffee you want, place in the filter, then add just a dash of each of the spices above.  Be particularly careful with the ginger, clove, and vanilla – just a bit of each is powerful and can quickly overpower the other flavors.  Brew the coffee, pour, and add just a touch of the pumpkin spice creamer.  Voila – with minimal effort, you have the best fall coffee on the face of the earth.

Now go make some and enjoy what are looking like the last days of my body’s functional lifespan! – EWE

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#FrozenFoodFridays – Malevolent Moogle Request Edition

Greets and welcome to the weekend, humans!  I hope that the evening finds you well, or if you live in the U.S., at least finds you not dying in a natural disaster.  The South is underwater, the West is on fire…but hey, let’s not worry about climate change, it’s all just a bunch of lies spread by the Chinese, right?  Sure.  Tell me – when Trump Tower is suddenly not above sea level anymore, can that stuffed lion you had your kid riding on in your horrifically gaudy family photo be used as a flotation device?  Probably something you should think about at this rate.

I attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony for my newly-remodeled alma mater, The University of Akron School of Law, along with my BFF and fellow law grad Malevolent Moogle.  MM, in the blunt and forthright manner that is one of the primary reasons I value her friendship and advice above all others (this is the same person who once told me “oh my god, you are fucking flypaper for crazies!”), complimented my recent blogging work while lamenting that it had been some time since the last entry in #FrozenFoodFridays.  And so, without further ado, I welcome you to the latest installment in the now-quite-irregular ongoing series, #FrozenFoodFridays – Malevolent Moogle Request Edition!

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Not Pictured: Malevolent Moogle immediately after this was taken chasing me around like a maniacally laughing madwoman, attempting to decapitate me.

Now, one of the reasons that I put the weekly #FrozenFoodFridays to bed for a while is because I simply hadn’t been able to try as many different frozen foods, even using my extremely malleable standard of what can even remotely involve the term “frozen food.”  However, I am pleased to say that I have lately come upon a new product in the freezer section of my local Giant Eagle: Healthy Choice Power Bowls!

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Focused on a blend of high-protein meats, grains, and greens, these quick fixes come in four varieties, all of which I’ve enjoyed quite a bit – although frankly they had me sold at Korean BBQ.  Just microwave them according to the times in the instructions (I advise sticking to the lowest recommended time, and even then I’ve had some of them come out kind of overcooked and dry, but only rarely), then stir and enjoy.  The Korean BBQ is a bit spicy, but the rest are just flavorful, and the portion size is actually perfect to leave you not feeling still hungry but not overfull either.

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And with that, our #FrozenFoodFridays has come to its end!  But my night is far from over – I need to get some new material written for the open-mic stand-up I’ve been doing lately, and I want to get some more progress made in Mario x Rabbids as well as Final Fantasy XIV, and maybe read a little bit before I completely crash and shut down.  But let it be known – my promise to Malevolent Moogle to bring you a #FrozenFoodFriday came first! – EWE

Rabbids & Smartphones & Dragon Balls, Oh My!

Greets, mortals!  I hope the evening finds you well…unless, of course, I hate you, in which case I hope the evening finds you fervently wishing that I DON’T FIND YOU.  Either way, welcome back.  Tonight I’ve got a few thoughts on a lot of different things for you, which is a bit of a change from normal.  I’ve found lately that, especially when I’m alone with my feline overlord, my mood and thoughts and emotions are scattered all over the place (well, aside from the constant overwhelming seething cauldron of hate for humanity…that’s pretty consistent), and consequently, I’ve been consuming media in a similar, scattershot fashion.  The good news for all of you, though, is that now you get to hear a bit about all sorts of good (or bad) stuff!  You may prostrate yourselves now.  I’ll wait.

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It was a cliched and stormy night in Costa del Sol…

First up, we have the continuing adventures of Evil Wizard as he journeys through Eorzea in Final Fantasy XIV.  Although the new expansion, Stormblood, was released this summer, I’ve yet to venture into any of that story content.  In fact, I’ve only recently, finally powered through all of the story missions that served as the bridge between the original Realm Reborn storyline and the first expansion, Heavensward.  After having reached Ishgard, I decided to take a slight break from powering through story content to level and unlock some other jobs.  But that isn’t to say the story isn’t calling to me – truth be told, I honestly feel like Final Fantasy XIV is the best game in the main series since IX, and maybe even since VI, and that is saying an awful lot because I have a lot of love for FF XII.  But XIV has an absolutely massive amount of plot content and characters, and the overwhelming majority of them are stellar.  Honestly, I recommend this game to anyone that loves RPGs.  Not just MMOs, not just Final Fantasy – if RPGs are your thing, and you haven’t tried XIV at all, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

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It’s Mega Mario Metroid Man!

Next up, I’ve got the Switch game that up until E3 a couple months ago literally nobody knew they wanted.  Seriously, the Rabbids are the most goddamned annoying fuckers this side of the It’s A Small World ride at Disney World, and when Nintendo and Ubisoft announced  a crossover between them and the world of Mario you could hear the entire Internet give a collected groan.  Then around came E3, and with it the revelation that this would be a turn-based strategy game with some RPG elements – essentially X-COM lite but with Mario & Co. taking on Ubi’s insane vermin.  After spending several hour with it since launch and getting through the first couple of worlds, I can easily say this game is the biggest surprise of the year for me, and that’s saying something with a Mario game.  The X-COM style cover-based gameplay is fantastic, though in the early stages the difficulty seems significantly less than the sci-fi masterpiece.  This can likely be chalked up to the game being aimed at a much larger target market on the Switch than the decidedly older audience that X-COM attracts.  My understanding from friends that are much further into the game is that there is a definite difficulty spike later on, so I am greatly intrigued and thus far highly recommend Mario x Rabbids: Kingdom Battle to anyone with a Switch and a love of X-COM.

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Hooray Job Systems!

Next up, for when I’m stuck with nothing but my phone or it’d be impolite to just open a book or Vita and blatantly ignore everyone around me, I’ve found myself diving back into Final Fantasy Dimensions.  I found myself drawn back in after talking about it for a bit with intrepid Michael “FinalMacstorm” Cunningham of #TeamHandheld.  I’ve been away from it for a while and am still getting back into the plot, but since it’s heavily patterned on the 16-bit Final Fantasy’s of old, there isn’t too much complexity to worry about.  I do now remember that the slow influx of jobs is made a bit more irritating by the fact that you can’t max them out – at particular beats in the story, you are granted a small pool of points that allow you to increase the max level of whatever jobs you choose for each character.  While I don’t believe this to be a monetization of the system – I don’t think you can purchase more of the points using real money – I haven’t yet reached the point of being able to know if there will be enough of these points to max out all jobs for everyone, or if not, how many each character may be able to fully develop.  It’s tough because it doesn’t let you really know if you should be specializing particular characters or what, and a somewhat incongruent party split can exacerbate matters somewhat.  Still, it isn’t anything that can’t be overcome with a bit of grinding, and I’m a complete whore for grinding in an old-school job system RPG.  Not going to say I’d wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone yet, but if you are older than time as I am, and love Final Fantasy V’s job system, you’ll likely find this worthwhile.

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Ka…Me…Ha…Me…

Last, but assuredly not least, I’ve also been catching up on Dragon Ball Super.  DB is one of those series that I watch in spurts – I’ll binge a couple of dozen episodes and love them, then hit a saturation point and put it away for a while.  I’ve reached the point where Goku & Friends have been confronted by Black’s Super Saiyan Rose, and I must say that one of the features I love about this show is that every once in a while they show a flashback to events that occurred in prior series such as the seminal Dragon Ball Z, and the contrast between the quality of the animation in those and the gorgeous HD animation in Super just can’t be fully described.  Akira Toriyama’s character designs are world-renowned and timeless, and for as much as I love his work in the Dragon Quest series, this is the apex in terms of the quality animation.  As for the series, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much Dragon Ball has grown up – even in a series where death is often cheapened or worked around, there has been some genuine moments of tension and loss, and I feel like the experience gained by reworking Dragon Ball Z into Dragon Ball Z Kai has helped the studio to get a better grip on balancing fights with character development.  So no more 17-episode buildups to seeing Goku throw one Spirit Bomb…and that’s a very good thing.  If you’ve ever been a fan of Dragon Ball, you should check it out.

And that’s that for tonight, kiddos.  But before I go, just a piece of advice…I guarantee that most, if not all, of you humans have someone close to you that is likely suffering from depression.  You probably don’t know it, because they probably don’t say much if anything about it – ironically enough, because they already feel like a complete burden to those around them and don’t want to make it any worse.  But while they may be able to smile or crack a joke, inside they are very, very alone.  You humans have but a short time on this earth, and in that time, almost everything costs something…but kindness is free.  It can be given away to all that you care about with no real cost to you.  And while it might seem like little or nothing to you at the time, I guarantee you it means the world to someone.  Not that I care about the happiness of you pathetic mortals. – EWE