#FrozenFoodFridays – Return of the Sweets Edition

Hello, humans!  I just couldn’t let another week go by without letting you into my kitchen for everybody’s favorite part of this blog – I mean, aside from my rampant nihilism – #FrozenFoodFridays!  Now, as an extra special treat this week, this delicious treat will both satisfy your sweet tooth and your booze craving – and I made it up completely myself!  Which will be evident by 1. the actual picture of it I took, and 2. the relatively vague measurements I give for the recipe.  So here, without further ado, is EWE’s Salted Caramel Chocolate Porter Beer Bread with Bailey’s Irish Glaize!

Bread Ingredients:

  1. Self-rising flour (3 cups)
  2. Brown sugar (1/3 cup)
  3. Vanilla extract (1/2 teaspoon)
  4. Honey (not too much, just to taste)
  5. Hershey’s chocolate syrup (again, to taste, but the more the merrier)
  6. Genesee Brewhouse Salted Caramel Chocolate Porter (12 oz – and obviously any chocolate beer can work)

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.  Combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix well until a rich brown dough is formed.  If you overestimated on the flour, you can add a little more beer/chocolate syrup/honey to make sure everything gets absorbed.  Place dough mixture in 9″ loafpan and make sure it is evenly distributed and smooth out the top.  Place in oven and bake for 55 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the loaf comes out clean.  Remove from oven and set aside to cool while making the glaize.

Glaize Ingredients:

  1. Powdered sugar (1 1/4 cups)
  2. Bailey’s Irish Creme liquor (2 tablespoons, at least)
  3. Heavy cream (2 teaspoons)

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk together until smooth.  For a slightly thinner (and far more potent) glaize, add a few more splashes of Bailey’s while mixing.

Place the bread on aluminum foil and lightly drizzle the top with honey.  Then pour the glaize over the entire top of the bread.  Finally, drizzle lightly with some Hershey’s syrup.  And I know what you’re thinking – how the fuck does this fit with #FrozenFoodFridays, right?  Here’s how – slice and serve with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream!

And there you have it, kids!  Next time you’re massively depressed and can’t decide between getting shitfaced or pigging out on sweets, remember – EWE says, why the fuck not both?! – EWE

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Super Duper Sunday with EWE & Editor

Greets, humans!  It has been a bit, hasn’t it?  (Editor’s Note: Hello, friends.  Apologies for the prolonged absence, as well as for missing the last week’s #FrozenFoodFridays.)  Grr…as you can see, in recompense for being a bit derelict in my #FrozenFoodFridays duties, I have elected to allow a bit more freedom to Editor in this entry, per the suggestion of LightningEllen – who for some reason seems to believe that Editor makes positive contributions here.  (Editor’s Note: Well, I do seem to be a bit more honest about my emotions than you.)  Do…not…push…it.

this-could-be-fun

The past few days have been…exhausting.  On one hand, work is going well.  I found out that a coworker is leaving the office, which does sadden me somewhat, as she was a human that I didn’t constantly abhor, but also presents an opportunity to work more, which I always enjoy as a distraction from the absolute shit show that is my personal “life.”  (Editor’s Note: Now, now, it isn’t all that bad.)  Oh?  I wake up during the night calling a name who, if she knew it were happening, would quite likely murder me.  Horribly.  (Editor’s Note: That isn’t…necessarily true.)  Really?  She wishes I was someone else.  That isn’t a metaphor – she LITERALLY wishes I was a different person.  (Editor’s Note: Be patient – let her get to know you, and she will likely not wish you were anyone else at all.)  ……you do know who you’re talking to, right?  (Editor’s Note: Sigh.  We both know it isn’t in you to give up anyway, particularly in this instance, correct?  So don’t worry so much.  Remember one of our favorite songs?)

Sure, fine, whatever.  Optimistic asshole.

lots-to-offer

On the plus side, I managed to indulge in my enjoyment for cooking and baking, even if I did miss out on #FrozenFoodFridays.  But never fear – I bring you a culinary delight that is even better than a frozen treat.  Behold EWE’s Beastly Beer Bread of Butchery!  (Editor’s Note: It’s just beer bread…tasty, but just beer bread.)

beer-and-cheese-beer-bread
Mmmm…

Ingredients:

  1. 3 cups self-rising flour
  2. 1/4 cup sugar
  3. 12 oz. beer (as a starter recipe, I use Great Lakes Eliot Ness)
  4. 1/2 cup melted butter (that’s one stick)

Instructions:

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.  In a medium mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar and beer and mix.  Pour mixture into a greased or non-stick loaf pan.  Pour the melted butter over the top of the mixture in the loaf pan.  Place in the oven and bake for 1 hour.  Remove from the oven and let cool at least 15 minutes.

For best results, continue drinking the entire time the bread is baking, and then pull the fresh bread apart and consume immediately after it is finished.  But hey, that’s just me.  (Editor’s Note: It’s actually good even if you haven’t gotten thoroughly drunk waiting for it to bake…)  Yeah, but what’s the fun in that? – EWE