#FrozenFoodFridays – Back to the Ice Cube Tray Edition

Hello, creatures!  Once again, another week has drawn to a close, and once again, I am very fucking glad it has.  Never moreso than now, as I am embarking on something of a new challenge in my life.  You see, kiddos, ol’ EWE here dislikes being hurt.  I mean, not all the time…sometimes a little pain is kind of fun (Editor’s Note: Getting WAY off topic here!) alright, alright – ahem, anyway, my reaction to rejection or emotional damage from someone in the past has generally been to not so much burn bridges as INCINERATE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING IN A TEN MILE RADIUS.  As such…there is usually no real recovery.  But this time…something is different.  I have decided…to wait for someone.  Not because I have to.  Not because they’ve asked me to.  Not because by doing so I am guaranteed a place in that person’s life at some point.  Simply because I have felt what it is like to be loved by that person…and it is worth waiting for.  And so I shall.  It doesn’t necessarily mean I will enjoy it, or it won’t hurt to see her with others as she determines what she wants from life…but I will endure it, and I will be there for her should she stumble or fall.  I’m not entirely sure why – my rule of thumb would be to convert any remaining care for someone into seething hatred and move on – but I’ve neither the desire nor the ability to do so in this case.  I can’t explain it fully – I just know that this is worth waiting for, and so I will wait.

ewe-and-editor-waiting

So, in the spirit of trying to numb the pain and distract myself from the emptiness…I’ve got the perfect thing in mind for #FrozenFoodFridays!  What is the frozen component this week, you ask?  Well, if you read the title, then you know – grab yourself a glass and some ice cubes, because we’re hitting the booze once again!  Time for a simple, classy and classic painkiller that was first introduced to me by, ironically enough, the red-headed demoness that has introduced more pain into my life than just about anyone else!  Time for some of EWE’s Gin and Ginger Ale!

gin-and-ginger-ale

It’s just as simple as it sounds.  First, you’ll need a glass and some ice cubes.  Next fill about 1/3 of the glass with gin – my two personal favorites are either Beefeater or Bombay Sapphire.  Then fill the other 2/3 of the glass with some Seagrams ginger ale or Vernor’s ginger soda.  Garnish with a lime slice and enjoy.  Then repeat several times.  Though one word of caution – don’t overdo it with this or any other gin-based drink, because once you’ve thrown up juniper berries, you will know the true meaning of suffering.  And on that pleasant note, another #FrozenFoodFridays draws to a close.

And to the one I wait for, who is most likely not reading this – if you wonder how long I’m willing to wait for you, the answer is not forever.  I’ll wait forever and a day. – EWE

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How EWE was Broken on #FrozenFoodFridays

Greets – ouch! – humans.  As I’m sure you can tell, it isn’t Friday.  But it isn’t that I forgot about #FrozenFoodFridays – believe me, I’d much, MUCH rather have been communing with all of you than having the day I had.

You see, last Tuesday I awoke to find that something was wrong with my right shoulder.  Specifically, I couldn’t use my right arm without a stabbing pain in my right shoulderblade.  This concerned me, as I am familiar with back injuries – I have a partially herniated disk in my lower lumbar from many years ago that would still flair up on me from time to time.  So I decided to take no chances and be very careful with my right arm and shoulder until the pain subsided or I could get in to see a doctor (shout out to my favorite prosecutor for being kind enough to rub the knot out of my shoulder when I couldn’t reach it).  Sadly, on Friday, I made the mistake of reaching across my body to lift something off of the floor with my left hand, and as I lifted, I heard/felt a dull pop in my lower back followed by excruciating pain.

As it turns out, the disk in my lower back had herniated again, directly into my sciatic nerve, and the muscles surrounding it were all spasming out of control and wouldn’t allow it to pull back in.  This made the rest of my day in court rather…unpleasant.  By the time I was done, I didn’t even know if I would be able to drive home, so it became clear that a trip to Statcare was in order.  Unfortunately, that would consume several more hours of my evening.  Once the doctor there confirmed what I already knew had happened, he prescribed anti-inflammatory, muscle relaxer, and painkiller to try and see if the disk would slide back into place once the muscles relaxed.  If it doesn’t, then my doctor will have to order an MRI to see what else can be done.  Once I came home and took the medication, it essentially rendered me unconscious for the rest of the night and most of Saturday as well.  Hence, #FrozenFoodFridays came and went without an update.  But never fear – my injury and the excruciating pain have given me the perfect thing to remind you to take out of your freezer!

grey-goose-bottle
It’s true – many people keep this in the freezer.

Ah, yes – vodka.  Grey Goose is my preferred label, but there are a lot of good choices out there for you.  Of course, you can keep vodka at room temperature, but I prefer to keep it chilled in the freezer as most of my favorite ways to enjoy it involve ice or cold mixers anyway, such as vodka cranberry juice, or grape vodka soda.  So since this is kept in the freezer, I’m counting it as meeting the completely arbitrary, self-created criteria of #FrozenFoodFridays.  Enjoy!

Now, as bad as the back injury was a buzzkill on Friday, it wasn’t the only even that day that seemed aimed directly at pissing me off.  I mean, it’s bad enough that there are far more senseless idiots voting in America than even I had accounted for, but during his inauguration speech, Orange Boy decided to plagiarize a character from one of the greatest comic book movies of all time?!

trump-bane
You have my permission to die now…actually, you’ve had it and will continue to have it.

Yes, our new president decided to rip off Bane in this speech.  I guess he figured since Bane is a fictional character, plagiarizing him was acceptable.  So, yeah, all in all it was a tremendously shitty Friday.  He also had his press secretary scream into a camera two days later that the media was just trying to fool us with their “facts” and “evidence” that this inauguration was far smaller than that of President Obama, blatantly lying and making false statements WHICH TRUMP’S ADVISER LATER CALLED “ALTERNATIVE FACTS.”  Children, listen carefully, there are no such things as “alternative facts.”  When something is not a “fact” that makes it a “falsehood” or more commonly known as “lies” or “complete bullshit.”  – EWE

Books, Booze, and…huh, I’ll be damned, Bears – Oh My!

Greets and salutes, mortals!  How are we this evening?  Me, you ask?  Oh, I’m experiencing…some rather bothersome discomfort (Editor’s Note: MIND BOGGLING PAIN) brought on primarily by the seasonal weather.  Rather than vent my irritation by converting my lovely apartment complex into a necromancy factory – good idea, that – I have instead settled on catching up with all of you.  Aren’t you lucky?!  The correct answer to that is yes.  Unless you like being set on fire.  Then feel free to answer no.

Now, as the title above would suggest, the first item on the agenda tonight is my latest literary lark.  Actually, lark might not be the best word, considering this is a 1500 page mammoth, but I like my alliteration, so fuck it – lark it is.  Anyway, if you recall WAY back when, I gave my impressions of Brandon Sanderson’s The Way of Kings, the first book in Sanderson’s epic fantasy series, The Stormlight Archives.  I’ll let you read my original impressions on that first book for yourself – but in short, I found it a very promising start to a series, particularly if you are a fan of Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time.  After finishing The Way of Kings, I eagerly started the second book of the series, Words of Radiance.

wordsofradiancecover

I am very pleased to say that if you were a fan of the first book, you will definitely find more to love in the second.  My primary complaint about TWoK was that it could be somewhat confusing in the way it blasted the reader with new information, concepts, and terminology – sometimes it required quite a bit of work on the part of the reader to piece these together into a coherent tapestry.  But by the time you’ve begun to read WoR, you have finished TWoK and are familiar with this world and its systems.  Consequently, as a reader you can focus on what Sanderson has shown himself to be a burgeoning master of – world and character building.

All of the major characters left standing at the end of  TWoK return for WoR, and some new ones are introduced as well.  The most developed characters, and likely by intention, are Kaladin and Shallan – but none of the characters lack for significant development here.  One of the elements that I love the most about this series so far is that these men and women are flawed – not in cliche, obvious ways, but in real, believable ways.  As with many epic, sweeping narratives, at this stage it is difficult to identify any card-carrying villains – while some characters actions or plots may seem more sinister, or less honorable, than others, it is made clear that each one is acting for what he or she truly believes is the greater good.  And the world itself is a character – Sanderson’s vivid descriptions and the way in which its harsh and violent nature impacts the characters and action add tremendously to the story.

Speaking of action, I am a big fan of the way Sanderson scripts his action sequences.  In particular, the climactic battle in the closing chapters is an absolute gem – I couldn’t stop reading until I’d finished it.  Quite frankly, that sentiment applies to the entirety of this novel – once I started it, it consumed all of my spare moments until I had finished it.  My biggest gripe is that based upon Sanderson’s website, the rough draft of Book Three is still only 95% complete – meaning it will still be quire some time before we have it in our hands.  Goddammit, Sanderson – how dare your massive creative endeavor take more time than I want to wait!

But what do you need when you are engrossed in a great book?  Why…a great drink, of course!  And nothing says fun like EWE’s Rum Punch!

jamaican-rum-punch,

This fun concoction that is relatively simple to make.  At it’s base, you’ll need Disaronno, Malibu / Captain Morgan Coconut Rum, cranberry juice, and orange juice.  Take a tall tumbler glass, fill with ice, then combine one part Disaronno, two parts rum, and fill the glass with equal parts cranberry and orange juice.  Garnish with a lime, cherry, or both, and enjoy.

But why let the fun stop there?  There are any number of varieties of flavored rum out there from both Captain Morgan and Malibu – pineapple, mango, passion fruit, etc.  You can also substitute other fruit juices, such as pineapple, cherry, etc.  So long as you base it with Disaronno and finish with orange juice, you’re going to be in good shape.  Well, until you have had four or five because they’re so damn good and you don’t notice the alcohol.  Then you might not be in good shape.  But fuck it – you won’t care!

And that brings us to bears.  Now, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “how can even EWE possibly shoehorn bears into this in any kind of coherent way?

panda
Never doubt me again, humans.

I was humbled and honored to be nominated for a PANDA Award by the lovely and talented LightningEllen at Conquering the Gaming Backlog.  Her blog is a true gem – while the title may give away that she is chronicling her epic journey through the ever-expanding backlog that we gamers inevitably accrue (I feel you, kid.  The struggle is real.  The struggle is real real), giving us her thoughts, impressions, reviews and insights along the way, that isn’t the end of the story.  From touching tributes on Remembrance Day, sharing slices of her life (I’m currently scheduling an Amiibo intervention for you), giving glimpses of upcoming games and demos – it is an absolute treat every time I catch up on your posts.  All of you, minions, go forth and follow her, read her words, and be better for it.  Or I will find you.  And then no one will find you.  EVER.  AGAIN.

As LightningEllen said in her post, this award is particularly special because it was founded by Mr. Panda, a mainstay here in the blogging universe who has always been quick with a kind word, comment, or critique in my short time here as a malevolent omnicidal demon blogger.  What makes this award different?  Well, I will quote LightningEllen, quoting The Shameful Narcissist, quoting Mr. Panda, because I can: “This award is much different from the other chain awards floating around out there. PANDA stands for ‘Play A New Day Award’. I’ll quote the Shameful Narcissist’s quote of Mr. Panda’s explanation: ‘I want to encourage others to play for another day. No matter what is going on, whether in the world, your country, your home, or even in your mind, I want you to play for a new day. We’re all in this together, and we can make it together.’

The rules for the PANDA are quite simple.

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Nominate any number of people for the award.
  3. Encourage them in any way, whether through thanking or complimenting them.

In considering my nominations, I must first note that LightningEllen managed to nominate a number of the same folks that I would have as well – and her words for them would be echoed by me.  But in addition to those fine folks:

Anna at Anonymously Autistic – Autism is something near and dear to my heart, as my youngest son is autistic.  No matter how much I may try to learn about and understand what that means, all the science in the world is not as insightful as a look through the eyes of someone that sees the world in much the same way that he does.  For that, I can never thank you enough.  What you do is an amazing gift for so many people, autistic or not.

Donna at Dine And Rhyme – While it is no secret to anyone that reads my blog regularly that I LOVE FOOD, far fewer people know that I also have loved and admired poetry for most of my life.  My senior thesis in high school English was an original book of (horrendously awful) poetry.  Not only do I admire the work itself, but I have the utmost respect for people that put their thoughts and feelings into prose and then open themselves by putting those poems for the world to see.  Thank you for your blog.

Toreishi at Toreishi Games – told you before about the fantastic reviews over at Toreishi’s blog, but I think I’ve come to look forward even more so to any post titled “This is not a post and the cake is a lie.”  Because I know hilarity is about to ensue.

Beauty Beyond Bones – I don’t know if I even have sufficient words to express my respect for you.  I know something of dark places, and crawling out of them, and while we may not always agree on ideologies, you chronicle your struggles and triumphs with grace and eloquence, and in doing so, you are a source of inspiration for innumerable people that may be in a similar place.  You should be very proud – not just for your own journey, but for offering your experience to others as well.

And with that, my little ones, we come to the end of tonight’s journey.  As always, I am grateful and humbled that you joined me.  Whatever the cause of my sleepless nights – be it pain, confusion, loneliness, or what have you, I take solace in knowing that you are there.  If you ever need someone who has wronged you punished…or their family…or friends…or neighbors…you get the point – I’m your Evil Wizard. – EWE

 

#FrozenFoodFridays – Godzilla Threshold Edition

I’m going to level with you, kids – it has not been a good week.  I am not in a good mood.  I thought I was going to witness a historical event for you humans earlier this week: you were going to follow the first African-American president in the history of America with the first female president in the history of America.  And I could genuinely respect her, too – evil, but not TOO evil.  Just skilled and experienced politician level evil.  But then the goddamned ignorant masses did what they always do and fucked it all up.  Instead of doing the intelligent thing, and electing a leader that they may not have liked, but who was good at, you know, fucking leading – they went with the goddamn motherfucking psychotic sex offender.  And so now…now I’m stuck with four fucking years of this.

trump-stupid-face
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

You know, over the centuries I’ve tried to separate the wheat from the chaff for you people.  I’ve plagued some stupid fuckers, I’ve burned your cities to thin out the herd, I’ve even sunk an advanced civilization or two to the bottom of the sea so that the rest of you wouldn’t feel too inferior.  But every once in a while, I have to stand back and see what you’ve learned, what you can do on your own.  AND THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING REWARD ME?!

You know what, that’s it.  There comes a time when things have gotten so abso-fucking-lutely awful that literally ANY solution is acceptable, no matter how destructive or collaterally damaging it may be.  That’s right – the Godzilla Threshold.  When things have gotten so bad that releasing an all-powerful incarnation of destruction is actually THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME.  And you insignificant fleshbags didn’t just cross the threshold, you threw yourself over it like a drunk frat boy belly-flopping into the pool.  And like that drunk frat boy, I hope those of you who thought voting for this orange muppet was a good idea will enjoy drowning when the goddamn polar ice caps melt.  Because me and the big G will sure enjoy watching it.

And that mind-bendingly stupid outcome to the US election, coupled with dealing with a few other, more personal failings, leads us into this week’s #FrozenFoodFridays.  Now, you may ask, what kind of icy treat might EWE use to lift his spirits in these troubled times?  Some more ice cream?  Perhaps another dessert?

Fuck no.  We are WELL past the point of that.

jaeger
Chill. Pour. Drink. Repeat.

What’s that?  Jaegermeister isn’t a “frozen food?”  Well, there are only two ways to store this particular liquor – 1. in the freezer, and 2. improperly.  So shut the fuck up.  It gets stored in the freezer, ergo, it counts for #FrozenFoodFridays.

Needless to say, there isn’t much prepping involved here, but there are any number of ways in which to enjoy this delicious herbal spirit.  Of course, you can just drink it by the shot, or on election night, chug it straight from the bottle.  But if you aren’t trying to put yourself into a coma for the next four years, there are also some tasty beverages that you can prepare for your next pointless human social gathering.  There is the classic Dr. Jaeger, which as one might expect is a mixture of Jaeger and Dr. Pepper soda.  And of course, mixing liquor, almost any liquor, with Coke usually turns out alright.  A relatively new one is to mix Jaeger with Mt. Dew Pitch Black – a bit more citrus than the other soda-based drinks.

There is the ever-popular Jaeger Bomb, combining Jaeger and Red Bull.  My preference is for the Ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb – Jaeger, black cherry energy drink, and grenadine.  And for those of you that feel like getting VERY creative, mix yourself some Black Blood.  Pour 2 oz of Blue Curacao liquor, 1 oz of Jaeger, and 1 oz of Squirt citrus soda into a shaker with ice, shake well and serve.

And with that, #FrozenFoodFridays comes to an end once again.  But before I go, I want to speak directly to all of the celebrating Trump supporters out there.  I keep hearing how you’re tired of being called bigots and racists just because you voted for a racist bigot.  Let me give you a bit of perspective: thanks to your votes, there are MILLIONS of Americans who are afraid for their lives.  They are afraid they are going to have their families ripped apart, afraid to worship their religion freely, afraid to be darker complected than your average Western European, afraid that their marriages that they just finally won the right to have are going to be taken away.  So let me be as clear as I possibly can – I care a metric fuck-ton more about THEIR feelings than I do about how YOU’RE feeling right now.  You don’t want to be called racist?  Here’s a thought – don’t choose a racist to represent what you believe.  It’s not fucking rocket science.  And I know, I know…there were a lot of different considerations that went into your vote, right?  Well, you forgot one detail about this nation – IT’S MINE.  All of the talk about how the progressives are soft and weak and politically correct – THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO ME.  I had this continent of misfits finally heading in something vaguely resembling the right direction – and now you’ve derailed the whole goddamn thing.  So here is what your friendly neighborhood EWE has to tell you – I am now going to have to spend four years putting out this raging dumpster fire that you started, and then start guiding us back just to where we ALREADY FUCKING WERE before we can make any more ACTUAL PROGRESS.  I am suggesting that you stay out of the way.  But if you decide not to, well…it’s not like I need much incentive for disproportionate retribution, do I? – EWE