Salutations, children! This week was a bit different for me – I spent the last two days traveling to Columbus, Ohio for a CLE (Continuing Legal Education) seminar. While there, I was treated to something so delicious, it merited a very special edition of #FrozenFoodFridays. So tonight, I’m not giving you a recipe – I’m telling you about an entire location, and one that you should make every effort to visit if possible: Schmidt’s Sausage Haus and Restaurant.
My party and I stopped here after dinner for some dessert – and boy were we not disappointed. The coconut cream pie was delicious. The German chocolate cake ala mode was also quite good, and officially makes this conform with #FrozenFoodFridays, although I’d have preferred if the cake was warm rather than room temperature.
But the absolute masterpiece, and Schmidt’s claim to fame, is their cream puffs. Dear sweet baby jeebus, the cream puffs.
Let me put it to you like this – this place put me into such a food coma that within ten minutes of returning to my hotel room, I had intended to boot up my computer and spend the evening writing this entry LAST night – but instead completely passed out and slept soundly the entire night. IT’S THAT GOOD!
People, I know #FrozenFoodFridays is typically something you may be able to replicate in your own home. But some things are just too good to not experience in their original glory. Schmidt’s desserts are a perfect example of this. If you are ever, EVER remotely near the Columbus area, do yourself a favor and drop by! You’ll be more than glad you did. – EWE
Hello, humans! I just couldn’t let another week go by without letting you into my kitchen for everybody’s favorite part of this blog – I mean, aside from my rampant nihilism – #FrozenFoodFridays! Now, as an extra special treat this week, this delicious treat will both satisfy your sweet tooth and your booze craving – and I made it up completely myself! Which will be evident by 1. the actual picture of it I took, and 2. the relatively vague measurements I give for the recipe. So here, without further ado, is EWE’s Salted Caramel Chocolate Porter Beer Bread with Bailey’s Irish Glaize!
- Self-rising flour (3 cups)
- Brown sugar (1/3 cup)
- Vanilla extract (1/2 teaspoon)
- Honey (not too much, just to taste)
- Hershey’s chocolate syrup (again, to taste, but the more the merrier)
- Genesee Brewhouse Salted Caramel Chocolate Porter (12 oz – and obviously any chocolate beer can work)
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix well until a rich brown dough is formed. If you overestimated on the flour, you can add a little more beer/chocolate syrup/honey to make sure everything gets absorbed. Place dough mixture in 9″ loafpan and make sure it is evenly distributed and smooth out the top. Place in oven and bake for 55 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the loaf comes out clean. Remove from oven and set aside to cool while making the glaize.
- Powdered sugar (1 1/4 cups)
- Bailey’s Irish Creme liquor (2 tablespoons, at least)
- Heavy cream (2 teaspoons)
Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk together until smooth. For a slightly thinner (and far more potent) glaize, add a few more splashes of Bailey’s while mixing.
Place the bread on aluminum foil and lightly drizzle the top with honey. Then pour the glaize over the entire top of the bread. Finally, drizzle lightly with some Hershey’s syrup. And I know what you’re thinking – how the fuck does this fit with #FrozenFoodFridays, right? Here’s how – slice and serve with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream!
And there you have it, kids! Next time you’re massively depressed and can’t decide between getting shitfaced or pigging out on sweets, remember – EWE says, why the fuck not both?! – EWE
See, a good authority figure would make you eat your dinner before offering a treat. But an Evil one? Oh, it’s straight to the dessert this week on #FrozenFoodFridays!
As you can see, I’ve brought you a classic this week – Breyer’s Oreo Cookies and Cream ice cream. Now, I’m not going to beat around the bush here – there’s little in the way of “prep” to this. I mean, I guess you could run your scoop under water to make scooping the ice cream a bit smoother…but really, why the fuck aren’t you just eating it straight out of the carton? This is objectively the best ice cream on the face of the earth – there’s no “too much of a good thing” here. Take it out of the freezer and enjoy.
Oh, and protip: keep to of these in the freezer. One is your standard dessert carton. The other is there for when you’ve had a traumatic, depressing experience – that one you open and eat from start to finish in one go, stopping only to sob. Don’t look at me! Don’t judge me! You know you do it too, goddammit!
And that’s it for this week’s #FrozenFoodFridays, boys and girls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a gallon of ice cream, and a lot of regret to follow, waiting in my freezer. – EWE